Arrows

“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.” – Unknown

I know it is cliché to start a blog post with a quote…

But at some stage someone will say something, or you will read something, that will feed into your soul. It will hit you deeper and harder than anything anyone has said to you before. Those quotes are worth remembering.

For me, this quote hit home. This year has been the hardest year of my life. Nothing incredibly bad has happened, my world has not collapsed and to the naked eye I seem fine.

But this year I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and stress.

Although I have not had suicidal thoughts, I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, struggle to motivate myself and to find joy in the things I do. I look in the mirror and wonder why I am here, what I am doing and why anyone cares.

Yet when people look at me I look like the same happy cheerful person I have always been.

When I read the quote, I was on a slow decline. Failing university, struggling to keep up at work, in a relationship that was falling apart and racking up huge credit card debts. It felt like the pressures of my life were swallowing me up and there was no way to reach the surface.

It all became too much and I started suffocating when my post-traumatic stress disorder was triggered.

A previously abusive person had tried to reconnect through social media. Now, on top of the self-loathing I was already feeling, I was now feeling scared, watching my back and barely sleeping.

I got help.

It wasn’t easy. Heck, it still isn’t now but the moment I sat down and told someone I wasn’t okay it felt like the flood gates opened and everything I had built up inside came crumbling out. My archer had pulled my arrow back so far that I could only move forward.

The first arrow missed the target.

I still felt alone, still wondered if I was truly good enough and struggled to cope with everyday life but I continued to see a professional and each arrow gets closer to the target. Each arrow doesn’t pull me back as far as it used to.

With every strike forward, I take a few steps backwards but I am never back to the start.

I know it is hard. You may feel like you are burdening others with your issues. You feel like you can’t speak to a friend or a family member but admitting you are not okay, even to a stranger, is the first step to healing.

You won’t always step forward, it is okay to be pulled back sometimes, but together we can all reach the target… one arrow at a time.